What keeps me up at night…

It is time to move forward.  I received the diagnosis, decided between options, had the surgery, completed the treatments (yeah, me!) and now…

What to do, what to do.

I am four months cancer free and don’t know what to do with myself. 

Going forward, I…

Pledge to keep all doctor appointments.

Pledge to eat healthy.

Exercise four times a week, for at least 30 minutes each time.

Try to get plenty of rest because I am always tired.

Talk aloud to other survivors.

Take advantage of known available resources.  Have you heard of Gilda’s Club?  The Sister’s Network?  The YMCA LiveStrong Excerise Program?  Tennis for Life?

And make everyone aware of breast cancer by participating in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk taking place October 16th in the new Overpeck Park in Ridgefield Park, New Jersey.

To join my team (M.A.D.) or make a donation, go to www.cancer.org/makingstrides.

Love/Life Cycle #7

– 2005

Afraid of you and afraid for me.

What will people think?

I can’t allow my fantasy to become real.

Will anyone understand?

Can I face the image in the mirror?

There is no certainty in what we do.

No promise, no reproach.

A meeting of the minds.

The mind stimulates the sense of touch and the need for expression intensifies.

I step out of my shell and come alive.

You retreat.

Another missed opportunity.

The door is sealed.

The blood has ceased to flow.

Anger cripples the conversation.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

I know.

This is the finale.

Take a bow.

A curtsey.

The last dance has come.

The performance is cut short.

I say a prayer for you and me as we travel separate roads to love.

Life/Love Cycle Post #6

– 2001

Welcome back!

It is so good to see you.

You look great!

You are expecting?

Wow, I wish you nothing but the best for all.

Your choice.  May God bless you.

I am fine. Hanging in there.

Trying to hear a Word from above.

We praise as we seek.

I sing.

I cry.

I remember.

You.

I assess the new you.

See and you shall find.

But is it what you are really looking for?

Shared conversations.

Special lunch meetings.

A laugh or two and the web is spun.

The silky maze is sticky and slick.

We fall in and out the cycle of love and life.

Let your conscience be your guide.

Is it ever innocent?

WE step back only to start all over again.

Life/Love Cycle Post #5

– 1999

Yes  I am pregnant again.

Don’t talk to me like that.

I used to look forward to your yearly birthday phone calls.

I have always told you that I am proud of you.  Whatever you do will be significant.

Bittersweet memories of you and me.

I watch you as I wonder if you ever think about me.

Was it all in my imagination or did we have something great?

Can we pick up where we left off?

The words never leave my mouth.

This September, no phone call.

I guess it is over.

Until the next time…

Life/Love Cycle Post #4

– 1995

I am okay.

I have seen better days.

Just trying to survive.

What did you just say?  I can’t just move across the States.

I won’t take the child away from his family.

What about me?

Shit happens.

I didn’t rust your integrity then and am not sure of your integrity now.

You say you love me?

I wish you would have said all of these words years ago.  I can’t turn back the hand of time now.

I love you too.

Life/Love Cycle #3

– 1993

Did you hear?

Yes, I am due in May.

I knew someone would tell you.

It is what it is.

Thank you for your warm wishes.

Good luck to you as well.

Take care..

The first child was a boy; I am expecting a girl this time.

I am happy.

Yes, I think of you often.

We have shared some good moments.

I am proud of you too!

Stay in touch…

Life/Love Cycle Post #2

– 1990

Were you looking for me?

I am still here, but crumbling fast.

My foundation is gone and here I am trying to make ends meet for two.

I keep on keeping on.

It is good to see you but I refuse to tell you what you want to hear.

I know, it shows all over my face.

We agree to meet for lunch.

Will you show?  What will we say?  What will we do?

I stand in the lobby awaiting your arrival.

I watch you stride ever so confidently towards the entrance wearing your signature smirk on your face.

Our eyes meet and all is forgiven.

Words of condolences are offered for my loss.

I accept your heartfelt words and company.

I enjoy the moment for the time being.

You offer longevity.

I don’t believe it.

We go through the motions for a season.

I awake to the ringing phone at 6:00AM.

You inform me of your departure flight to the west coast; a one-way ticket.

We close another chapter.

Again, I armor up.

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