Everlasting Epithet

When do you know love is real?

Is it when you anticipate seeing the object of your affection to the point that you become physically ill?

Your nerves working overtime and causing your body to push out all impurities through the skin.

Is it real or fantasy?

I am still trying to figure it out.

I do recognize the fact that feelings are real and I do understand the depth of compassion towards the fellow-man.

Does  his compassion equate to his affection?

Not just affection from anyone will do.

I want the object of my affection.

I need to look into his eyes and see my reflection and hope.

I need to see his smile magnetize me and hold me captive.

I need to feel alive.

Should I put that much pressure on one individual?

Can we handle it?

The obstacles we face in trying to meld our minds and bodies lead me to believe…

Our love will last to eternity in the essence of our being…


Copyright 2009

 Treva Jeanice

“I Know You Mean Well, But…” Post # 10

10.  Do not believe cancer is a death sentence.


There are many support groups available for those diagnosed with cancer.  There are national, local and online groups.  Naming a few, there are American Cancer Society, ‘The Sisters Network, and Tennis for Life.

 There are even support groups for children whose parent(s) have been diagnosed within organizations such as Gilda’s Club. 

Within each group, you will hear testimonials of 20 – 30 year survivors who believe that healthy eating and living well will help you in the fight against the disease.  You will meet people who are going through similar diagnoses.  You will be comforted by some and learn from the mistakes of others.

The disease does not equate to death.

The disease means an adjustment in daily living and management of mind and body. 

Cancer is a mental disease.  Continue to control mind over matter.

Remember, “early diagnosis makes for a good prognosis.” 


Written by a three months free cancer survivor

“I Know You Mean Well, But…” Post # 9

9. Not everyone diagnosed with breast cancer will have to undergo a mastectomy.


There are options.  Depending on the diagnosis and stage of the cancer, there are several options available for recovery:

– A mastectomy is the surgical removal of one or both breasts to prevent the spread of cancer.

– A lumpectomy is a surgical procedure that removes tumor tissue in the breast.

– Radiation is the treatment process for cancer in which cancer cells are destroyed in order to help people become cancer free. 

– Chemotherapy is a treatment process used including various drugs to treat cancer.

One or more of the options listed (accompanied by healthy eating habits and exercise to stretch the limbs and mind) will be used to help the individual lead a closely monitored, cancer-free life.

“I Know You Mean Well, But…” Post # 8

8.  Don’t feel sorry for the patient.

Encourage them! 

Many people tend to ignore the “elephant in the room.”  Recognize the “elephant” and say, “I am here if you need me or want to talk.”  Claim victory over all lives affected by the disease of cancer.  Believe me, those words are keepsakes remembered, treasured and perhaps to be unearthed when needed.

Cancer attacks the  body and causes patients to be extremely tired.  Discomfort, frustration, exhaustion and sometimes anger may rear its head from time to time.  Be the one who lends an ear, a hand, and a shoulder to cry and lean on.  Cancer plays upon one’s self-esteem; no one wants to see pity in the eyes of the beholder. 

Tell us that you know or heard what we are facing.  It does our heart good to hear you are only a phone call away.

The actions of one multiplied by thousands, can change the world. 

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“I Know You Mean Well, But…” Post # 7

7. Do not believe that cancer only affects older people.


Cancer does not discriminate.  Cancer is the name for more than 100 diseases that have uncontrolled, abnormal growth of  cells that can spread into and destroy healthy tissues.  Not only can it destroy healthy tissues, it can destroy healthy minds and souls if one allows it.  Cancer can be hereditary or an isolated illness.  Cancer can strike the young, old, weak and strong.

A healthy forty six year old female can wake up one morning, arise from bed to enter the bathroom, disrobe and discover a rather large lump on her breast.  There is no pain; should it be ignored? 

No pains = no worries; wrong!

The onset of a cold or allergies prompted a doctor visit and the disclosure of the lump.  The matter of fact statement to a primary physician turned into a referral to the nearest breast center for a series of mammograms and four biopsies performed in one day.  The outcome was inevitable after such an invasive day.

 The results of a malignant tumor was discovered.  They say, early diagnosis  can lead to a good prognosis. 

 I am continuing to take every step needed to live longer and build upon my birthdays.

“I Know You Mean Well, But…” Post # 6

6.  The doctor and hospital that you used is the absolute best and come highly recommended.


There are many qualified surgeons and hospitals to handle patients who are diagnosed with cancer everyday.  Some doctors and hospitals have a better marketing department to promote their abilities than others.  Some staff have grants and more funding than its competitors.  Please don’t sell your surgeon and hospital as if that is the only option available.  I know you mean well, I really do, but remember each person’s needs are different.  What worked for you may not necessarily work for the next person.  Don’t make someone second guess themselves or feel doubtful because their choice is different from yours.


Some people like experienced doctors, others prefer young doctors who may be on the cutting edge of medicine and clinical trials.  Some patients prefer doctors who attended schools that are familiar; some like doctors of the same hue.  Ask if a second opinion is needed.  If so, you should definitely relate your professional experience with doctors and hospitals known to you.  Always offer your guidance of suggestion and leave it there.  Please don’t take offense if you are not called upon.    It is not about you at this time; let’s focus on the person in need.

Whatever makes the soon to be operated on individual comfortable; so be it.


At the end of the day, the doctor chosen has most certainly earned his/her PhD.


The surgeon and the patient will co-navigate the path towards recovery and do just fine.  Successful treatment can happen when a rapport is built between a surgeon, plastic surgeon, medical oncologist, radiation oncologist and patient.  Let’s not forget the nurses and front desk staff.    Each person plays an integral part in the well-being of the patient.    At the end of the day, let’s celebrate one another’s victory and triumph.

“I Know You Mean Well, But…” Post # 5

5. Everyone’s experience with cancer will not be the same. 


No two people will have the same experience.  There are options in the treatment of cancer.  The patient needs to make an informed decision on the option that is chosen.  One patient may have a lumpectomy; another may have a mastectomy.  One patient may have radiation; one may need chemotherapy and radiation.  Some may need a combination of the treatments mentioned or no treatment at all (which is the best case scenario!)  Your course of treatment is your medical footprint in your life.  Don’t state what is to be expected; simply offer to discuss your course of action. 

A recently diagnosed person is scared and confused.  He/she is discussing their health with doctors, family members, friends and well wishers.  You see where I am going with these lines of communication?  You could potentially confuse the person and instill more fear than necessary. 

Answer questions when asked but too much advice may be comprehension overload.

 Readers, please understand that I am not bashing your well intentions, just offering thoughts from the mind of a survivor.

“I Know You Mean Well, But…” #2

#2.  Do not ask to see the mastectomy scar.

That is just plain rude.  Why would I whip out my boobie(s) and expose myself just to satisfy your curiosity?  If a newly diagnosed person needed to and wanted to see the transitional stage; perhaps, maybe I would consider.  I am not a freak; I am not on display.  Respect my privacy and I do yours.  A mastectomy is a removal of the breast which is very personal and in some instances, define a woman.  Imagine having to show your spouse or significant other the scar at some point in the relationship and the fear one carries  of rejection that may or may not take place.  If you think it, you usually believe it.  We survivors carry self-esteem issues and do not need the added burden of exposures to others outside of family and medical specialists. 

Yes, breast reconstruction is available.  Reconstruction are implants.  A substitute; to take the place of.  While the phase is taking place, you pray your plastic surgeon is shaping and molding the new creations to your liking.  Will they be too large?  Too small?  Too high? 

Expanders are inserted immediately after surgery.  They are uncomfortable initially and take some getting used to.  A visit to the plastic surgeon’s office each week will assist you in “expanding your bust”.  It is true for women, “no pain, no gain.”  Try having someone inject saline solution into each breast/sac for boob development.  Painkillers become your breast friend.  Just remember to not to become dependent upon the sedated feeling.

Again, I know you mean well but don’t say that…

Words of Wisdom to think about…

 – “Rules in any relationship will result in mutual respect.”

– “You have been given character to protect your beauty.”

– Why does one dig in the dirt to stay cool?”

– The way you dress will determine the way you are addressed.”


Treva Jeanice

5 Seasons

There are 5 seasons each year:

– Fall

– Winter

– Spring

– Summer

– Do!

“Determine what it is you want to do.”

“Know what direction you are heading in.”

“Once you reach your destination, decide on the next direction to head…”

“Keep things stirred up.”

“Don’t let your ideas die.”

“Keep striving towards your goal.”

“When you meet your goal, create a new goal.”

“Encourage yourself!”